By Sarah Shrader
Guest columnist
Two thousand nine hundred and ninety days. That’s how long my youngest, Reagan, has been sober. She’s 8. She’s been sober her entire life – all 2,990 days of it. Yet, when I was talking to Lee about doing something fun for our 200 days since we quit alcohol, Reagan wanted in on the action. After all, she had far more days than we had.
I hadn’t thought about it like that. In fact, other than bettering myself as a mother by removing alcohol from my life, I hadn’t thought about the complete impact it could or would have on my kids. But it opened my eyes to so much of what they are watching – what they see – that I hadn’t noticed before.
And guys, they see it ALL. While I hid most of my drinking from them – more to shelter them and, quite honestly, out of shame – that doesn’t mean that they didn’t see it. And now, I keep so little from them. I want them to see it all – the struggles, mistakes, growth, joy, pain, prayers – so that they know it’s okay to feel all these things.
I just never thought about celebrating my count with them and their count. But, why not? I mean, they can see how proud I am of 200 days so why not let them be proud of their days as well. So we made it a family project – the teenagers loved it (insert eye roll ha!) But they did it to appease me (and well, let’s be honest, Lee may or may not have told them they had to). But Maylie and Reagan, I think they really did enjoy it.
You see, I let them ask all the questions about it – about anything really – but especially alcohol. And I answer them – truthfully. I want them to know my struggles with it – even if I hid what I felt on the inside from the outside world – so that, when the time comes, they can make an educated decision about their alcohol intake.
And it’s so relatable – to so many aspects of life. My thing was alcohol. But everyone has a thing (seriously, they do), or things that tempt them. Maybe it’s a daily temptation – maybe it’s whether or not they go off the high dive.
Sounds dumb, huh? But when Miss Maylie got anxiety over going off the high dive – didn’t really want to do it but did want to do it because everyone else was doing it – and then got mad at herself for not doing it, we talked about it.
Why did she want to do it? Does she even like things like that? Did she like the way it made her feel? Was it only because her friends were doing it? Why did she want to do something that gave her anxiety?
See, relatable.
Maybe, that’s her friends’ thing – maybe they like to go off the high dive – but that doesn’t mean SHE has to do it! It doesn’t have to be her thing.
So, I explained to her that most of my friends drink – that’s okay – but it is no longer my thing. And, I don’t have to feel bad about it. I just don’t have to do something that I don’t want to do – and she doesn’t have to go off the high dive if she doesn’t want to.
And while this sounds insanely small to be comparing the two, I need to note that this kind of talk is new this year. In fact, last year, we helped encourage her to go off the high dive. To try something that she really didn’t want to do. And, to no one’s surprise, she didn’t like it. And she’s allowed to not like it! I want her to know and recognize the things she likes and do those things – while also recognizing the things she doesn’t like and not do those things.
And surround herself with people who love her even if she doesn’t go off the high dive – or do all the things that they do. Because support and being around those who love you for you – and not because you do or do not do something – is so very important in life.
Which is why I am so thankful for the many people in my life – my friends who support and accept my decision to not drink and still invite me to do all the fun things – and my family who decided to celebrate and share in Lee’s and my 200 day milestone.
So, here’s to all our days – 5,199, 4,704, 3,753, 2,990, 200 and 200 – a house full of celebrations for doing the things we love and not doing the things we really don’t want to (unless, of course, that is being a teenager and forced to celebrate with us)!
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her daughters and writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.
