Tag: mama

As Independence Day approached this week, I started thinking about freedom and what that entails. This month, Lee and I will hit 18 months sober. And I couldn’t think of anything better to write about than the beautiful sober freedoms that we have encountered over the past year and a half.

I feel like the older I get the more thankful I am for summer. I mean, it may not quite add up to the gratefulness I felt when I was a kid when I actually didn’t have to do anything in the summer. But, even with working through the summer, and all the craziness our summer has already brought, I am still thankful for the steady slowdown during the week.

I have cried a lot this year. Like, a lot. And while I wish I could say that they have all been happy tears, I would be lying. My faith has been tested – I have believed that God would provide and then had moments of doubt – followed by moments of shame for my disbelief. But then ultimately knowing that God had this. All of it.

Father’s Day. A few years ago, I had no idea how this day would go with my girls when I was no longer married to their dad. I mean, sure, he was always going to be their daddy! I just didn’t know – well, I didn’t know so many things back then. And I certainly didn’t expect to be here one day – celebrating two men in the lives of my girls who are absolutely phenomenal fathers to them.

Five hundred days. That’s how long it has been since I have had a sip of alcohol. Five hundred nights in a row I went to bed sober and 500 mornings in a row I woke up refreshed and clear-headed ready to take on the day.

Half way. Cue the tears. I think age 9 may be the worst age. Okay, maybe not worse than the terrible 3s – which were actually way worse than the terrible 2s. Ha. I mean, actually, 9 is pretty great when it comes to most things – way past diapers and not quite to the attitude of pre-teen/teenage years. But age 9, that means that my baby girl, Reagan, is half -way through her childhood. And that almost breaks me.

This whole motherhood thing is such a roller coaster. There is literally nothing else in my life that has ever brought me such high highs and such low lows. Seriously, it feels like every single time I think I may actually be crushing it as a Mama, something completely unexpected happens and brings me to my knees.

As a mother, I cannot tell you how many times I have questioned an action of one of my kids. Why did you write all over yourself with permanent marker? Why did you lick the mirror? (Reagan – age 2)

It is so close I can almost feel it – the shackles of early bedtimes and even earlier morning alarms coming off, full evenings free from doing homework and nagging about homework and checking homework, sun-kissed skin and floating around in swimming pools, water balloon fights and bike riding until the sun goes down – summer. It is so close. All we have to do is make it through May.

Two days before she turned 11, Miss Maylie cooked us all dinner. She has really gotten into doing things like that. In fact, she called me on my way home and asked if she could get it started. She knew exactly how to prepare it as she had watched me do it numerous times.