Sometimes, I am terrible about leaving it all in God’s hands. Especially if things pile up — like sickness has in our house over the last month or so.
Courtesy of Sarah Shrader
Listen, I am a pretty positive person – like I am proud of that about me. Typically, I can take just about anything thrown at me, digest it and find some sort of good. There’s a reason for it – God has it. I just need to put it all in His hands and trust Him.
And while I feel like I am pretty good at taking everything to God, I am really struggling with the letting it go and trusting part. I mean, I bring it to God – I pour it all out. But then, I do this thing sometimes where I take it all back. Sometimes, I am terrible about leaving it all in God’s hands. Especially if things pile up — like sickness has in our house over the last month or so.
Seriously, we have been through the wringer. I do not believe there has been one full school week since November that all of my kids have been to school all week. It is like they just keep taking turns.
Over Christmas, we missed family get-togethers with several down with influenza. It was basically like we lined them up and it knocked them down one by one. Following that we had these terrible stomach pains sweep through – no vomiting just awful pains and tears keeping a few kids home for a few days.
The next week, Maylie had a side ache and, in trying to get a quick antibiotic for, what I thought was a UTI – we ended up being sent to the ER for all kinds of tests to rule out appendicitis. Hours later, after finally testing her urine, it was ruled a UTI and nothing more serious – thankfully.
So, when we went to bed on Sunday night this week, with all kids feeling good, I felt relief. Finally, a week free from calling in a sick kid (I swear those ladies at the school are tired of hearing from me).
But Monday morning came and Reagan said her belly hurt. No, no it does not. No fever. No pukes. Just some nerves because it’s actually a full week of school. We are good. You are good. We prayed about it and I sent her to school.
That evening, same thing – food sounded gross, but she managed to eat a bit. Tuesday morning, her belly hurt. No fever. No pukes. Ugh. What is going on? With all the pain in my mama heart, we prayed, and I sent her to school again. We have missed too much. There wasn’t a legitimate reason to keep her home.
That afternoon after school, Maylie called me at work to let me know that Reagan threw up. Ugh. Part of me was like okay, well at least it explains the bellyache. But the other part of me was like, God, I cannot handle any more sickness!
You ever have one of those breaking moments where it all comes flooding down? Yep, that’s how it went this week. I literally sat there and cried at work because I had a sick kid again.
But as I sat there and unpacked my tears, the weight of my prayer list unfolded in front of me. There was so much going on — my mom has a lingering sickness holding on, my sister is about to have a baby (that I won’t be able to hold right away now), we have an Ice Cream Formal for our friends and family to celebrate our one year of sobriety this weekend that we wanted everyone to be at and there were so many things that still needed to come together.
Add on a sick kid, and I was a puddle of tears. All of those other things that I had given to God and taken back piled up and more sickness just tumbled over my tower.
So, I cried for a few. I had a full blown pity party for myself. Because if there is one thing I have learned, it is okay to sit and feel overwhelmed and sad for a minute. But what I have also learned is that it is not okay to stay there.
So, I packed up my things to head home to my sick kid, but I also packed up my prayers to take them back to God once again. Only this time, I surrendered them to God – the weekend plans, my mother’s healing, my new niece’s arrival and my sick baby girl – I don’t know how any of it unfolds or how many puke buckets I will empty this week.
But I do know this, taking my prayers and worries back from God does absolutely nothing for me. And even though I have moments where I am not my positive self, I still know that God has heard all of my prayers and I need to leave them there with Him. He’s got them. And that is one thing that I really am absolutely positive of.
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her daughters and writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.
