I can’t help but thank God for the guidance He has provided my girl in overcoming her anxious decision-making.
This week, Miss Maylie had to make a big decision. And while it may seem like nothing to others, it was a big deal in our house. You see, Maylie is very active in all the things and well, it finally happened where all of her extracurricular activities lined up not only on the same days but also at the exact same time. This week, Maylie had to decide which thing she was going to give up — dance, Christmas church choir or basketball.
It’s so interesting how we grow to know our babies — and what their “thing” is that they struggle with. It doesn’t define them – it is just something we know to be gentle with. Maylie, especially in the last few years, has worked very hard at anxiety and decision-making. And for a girl who could have a meltdown over trying to decide which type of cereal she wanted for breakfast a few years ago — until now when mostly she makes small decisions confidently, she has come miles in managing it.
But this was a big decision for Maylie. For the past 3-4 years, Maylie has been involved in the church choir – last year earning a solo. She loves to sing – and despite coming from a Mama who cannot carry a tune, she has a wonderful voice. But she is also really into dance – so much so that she tried out and made a competition team. And, thankfully, she is into it because Mommy and Daddy have been shelling out the money for it these past couple of months.
Basketball is the one that I always try to feel out for her. She says she loves it – but she knows I love it. And I don’t know how many times I have told her that I do NOT want her to do it for me! I mean, I really drive it home! I am not trying to make my girl be a little Sarah. I want her to be and do what SHE wants to do. And yet, she still has a drive to play basketball.
As I received the conflicting schedules, I communicated them to Paul. He knew just as well as I did that this would be a rough one for Maylie. So we decided it would be best for him to come over and we could all discuss it together – help her make the best decision for her.
When we sat her down, she thought she was in trouble. Quickly, we explained that we just wanted to chat and help her with a decision. Then, I asked her to write from one to three her favorite from the choices of church choir, basketball and dance. Right then, she knew and questioned if she had to give one up. I asked her to write them down.
A sigh of relief came over me when she listed dance first – whew, because we are paying way too much for that to be an option to give up. Plus, the other two haven’t officially started, but dance had been going for months and we don’t just quit things in the middle.
The next two were tied. She couldn’t place basketball or church choir ahead of the other. But the tears started flowing as we explained the time constraints between them. And while we went through our options to try and fix it, the ultimate answer was that she would be spread too thin, and nothing would get the best of her. It wouldn’t be fair to miss half of either – much less both.
While consoling her but letting her feel the hurt of having to choose, we told her to sit with it for a day or two – that she didn’t need to make the decision right away. So, she did.
For the next 24-36 hours she brought up pros and cons of each to me. We talked through them but didn’t decide. I could hear the fear of regret in her voice but also see her processing what she wanted to do more.
On Monday morning, in line for the bus, and as calm as can be, she told me she had made her decision. While she wished she could be involved with choir somehow, she understood that it probably couldn’t happen, and she was choosing basketball.
She was calm. She was collected. She lacked a little confidence in her answer, but I could see the worry of having to make the decision creep off her face. The bus pulled up, she smiled, gave me a kiss and went about her day.
This seems miniscule. Tiny, probably, to others. But I cried tears of happiness for my girl. That night, more tears ran down my cheeks as I told her how proud of her I was – not for what she picked, but for how she picked it. She faced a hard decision and was able to make a clear decision and peacefully stick with it.
While I am certainly going to miss seeing my girl up there at church singing for God this Christmas, I can’t help but thank God for the guidance He has provided my girl in overcoming her anxious decision-making.
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her daughters and writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.
