Nine months ago, I quit drinking for me. What I didn’t realize then was that getting sober truly has made me a better mom for them.
I am a mother. Twice I was pregnant and twice I gave birth to a baby. Which also means that two times I have gone nine months without drinking alcohol.
And so, throughout this entire alcohol-free journey that I have been on this year, I almost have not given myself credit – I mean, I had done this before! What is one month or four months or seven months? Twice, I had done nine months.
Furthermore, right, wrong, or indifferent, I have made up this story in my head that all the other women out there who have been pregnant and sober for nine months as well, were probably judging me. In my head, they were all saying, “so what, I did that too – each time I was pregnant.”
And guys, when I am sober – which is all the time now – there is a lot going on in my head constantly. Ha! I have no idea if everyone felt that way, if no one felt that way or if people just honestly didn’t think about it or care one way or another. But I played it over and over in my head for, well, the last nine months.
So, a few weeks ago, when I hit nine months alcohol free, it was a really big deal to me. I did it – nine whole months with no alcohol and NOT because I had a baby in my belly.
For a little while, I have sat with this feeling of finally letting myself feel accomplished comparing these last nine months to the two times before that I went nine months without a drink. And I uncovered a few things.
First off, my pregnancies, quitting drinking – that was 100 percent for my babies. I prayed for the child I was carrying and would never intentionally do something that would harm them – including – or especially – drink while they were in my belly and feeding off of my body. As soon as I got a positive pregnancy test, it wasn’t an option, I just didn’t drink.
But I would be lying if I told you I just put it down and that was that. Sure, it was easier because I knew about the miracle inside of me – but that didn’t stop me from planning my first drink once I popped the kid out. I was able to calm and quiet the want for a drink knowing that soon (even if it was nine months), I would be able to have a drink again.
These nine months, though, it has been a totally different mentality. This time, I was not requiring myself to abstain from alcohol because I could feel my child kicking my side and growing inside of me. This time, it wasn’t from all the warnings about fetal alcohol syndrome and every other scary thing that can be found about drinking while pregnant.
No, this time has been for ME.
This time it has been for MY mental health and clarity. This time it has been for MY chance to reflect and grow little by little, month by month. This time it has been to feel all of MY feelings on the inside and to find calmness and peace from myself. This time has been a whole new experience – not a birth, but a rebirth, of myself.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t get to nine months and determine that I “made it” and could go back to drinking. Instead, I got to nine months and looked back at all the good that has come from this alcohol break and look forward to all the wonder that not drinking can bring for the future.
And lastly, I stopped drinking alcohol for me this time. But what I really learned is that when I started taking care of me a little better – feeling my feelings, processing them, praying more, spending mornings with coffee and devotionals instead of chugging water and swallowing down Motrin, giving myself time to heal and grow and learn – well, it didn’t just affect me.
Nine months later, I can feel the growth of the bonds between my children and me – the kids I gave birth to and my bonus babies. Our mornings are friendly and fun – not rushed and crazy. When they get worked up or anxious, I am rested enough to stay calm and talk them through it. If they want extra snuggles before bed, it’s always an easy yes and pillow talk extends way longer than it ever has.
You see, nine months ago I quit drinking for me. But what I didn’t realize then was that getting sober truly has made me a better mom for them. And I will continue this trek – not because my baby is inside of me –but because I am finally living for myself and my kiddos on the outside.
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her daughters and writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.
