Is there anything better than when a loved one surprises you in a way you didn’t even know you needed?
It was going to be a good night. For the first time in a while, it was just going to be Maylie and me for most of the evening, which hadn’t happened for a while. Even if most of our time was going to be spent with her doing her homework while I cleaned up the kitchen, we would eventually get both of those things done and have time to chat, just the two of us.
We barely had the house to ourselves for 5 minutes when the dog, Jersie, decided to go dumpster diving in our trash can. A little frustrated, but not willing to let it ruin our time together, I started picking up the mess.
Since homework had not yet been started, I asked Maylie to grab the broom, which she did, eventually, after about the third time I asked her. Then, I asked her to sweep up the rest of the scraps on the floor. It was a tiny section and should have taken approximately 30 seconds.
Quickly, Maylie decided that homework took precedence over the task. After all, she didn’t make the mess. Already overwhelmed at the disaster of a kitchen that I was getting ready to tackle, I became more than a little annoyed at her response. I mean, I had not made the mess either. In fact, I didn’t make MOST of the messes that I clean up every single day.
With a little different tone in my voice, I skipped the asking part and told Maylie to sweep up the rest of the trash. Clearly irked, she snatched up the broom while letting out a long sigh, and swept up a piece or two.
Almost overcome with irritation, I told her that that was not going to cut it and to try again. This time, she made stormy, swift passes of the broom from side to side spreading out the remnants of trash.
I almost lost it. Immediately, I went into how much I do for everyone in the house and how I ask for her help on one small section of the floor and she can’t even do that! How ungrateful and entitled had my kids become?!
Oh, I went on and on about it. Clearly, a nerve was struck. Before I knew it, I was voicing out, through tears, every single housekeeping frustration I had ever had as well as how hurt I was that I had to do it all myself.
By this time, Maylie clearly felt guilty and picked the broom back up. Now, she wanted to do ALL the things to help me. Now, she was willing to even help with the dishes…anything!
But, not in my best moment as a mother, I decided it was too late. I told her that I didn’t want her to help out of guilt. Not now. I wanted her to help me before because she loved me and wanted to ease my burden! Not because she now felt guilty.
As soon as I spoke those words, I knew them. I remembered my morning devotional that day – how Jesus doesn’t want us to do things for Him out of guilt but rather because we love Him. Going to church, praying, following His ways – he wants us to do them out of love not because of guilt.
One would think that small, Godly aside in my brain would have immediately pulled me back in. But no, if anything, it almost justified my feelings. I get it, Jesus – I want my kids to do things out of love for me as well!
Frustrated, I stress-cleaned, barely talking to Maylie except to argue with her about simple math that I knew she knew the answers to. By the time Reagan got home, homework was finished but Maylie and I had not had one good conversation and she had snuck off to her room.
Finally sitting down to catch my breath and composure for the first time, the tears rolled down my cheeks. In true Reagan fashion, Reagan tried to console me, but I told her that Maylie was the one who needed it, that I was a crappy mom that night.
Reagan sought out Maylie as I, upset by Maylie’s lack of care, my reactions, our lack of engagement and the entire way that the night went, dove back into mopping.
The girls were quiet for a while. I figured they must have learned just not to mess with me while I was in this mood. Heck, I had even barked orders at Reagan to pick up all the small messes she brought about in the short time she was home.
As I was still muddling in my childish frustrations, my girls came to me, grabbed my hand and led me to my room. And there, surrounding my sparrow painting and encompassing almost my entire wall, were handwritten notes taped all over.
We love you. Best mom ever. You are amazing.
You guys, I melted right then and there – completely and utterly fell like a child into the arms of my children. There I was earlier thinking I was feeling like Jesus because these kids never do things just out of love, and there they were with hearts just like Jesus forgiving and loving their Mama even on one of her worst days as a mom.
My hard, stubborn heart crumbled into pieces of softness as I squeezed my baby girls tight and told them how sorry I was. Together, we cuddled, cried and conversed. Then I held them close as I spoke to Jesus – thanking Him for the beautiful hearts of my children and the opportunity to be their mother.
No, that night didn’t go at all as I had planned. Yet the forgiveness, snuggles, grace and prayers that came out of the frustration, selfishness, tears, apologies and lessons made me feel like it went exactly how it was supposed to go.
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her daughters and writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.
