The loss of anyone close to us is heartbreaking and devastating. We all grieve in different ways, but there is often an especially unique loss when the person who died was a parent who sacrificed so much to simply facilitate our existence.
When losing a parent, there are four important legal items to remember.
First, it is OK to grieve. However, separate the sadness and grieving from the legal work that will be independently forthcoming. Do not tie the end of your parent’s estate administration to the end of your personal grieving, because they are not the same.
Second, understand that there will likely not be a formal “will opening” ceremony as depicted in movies and television. For people who have wills, the wills will likely be in the deceased person’s safe or their attorney’s safe. Some wills are intentionally kept confidential by people until they pass away. But most of the time, the confidentiality of will’s contents is a matter of practicality. Parents in particular do not always feel a need to share their will’s contents with their kids before the parents die.
Third, do not be upset with the will’s contents. Parents often have unequal distribution plans set out in their wills and trusts. Receiving less than expected or less than a sibling receives from a parent’s estate is not an expression of a parent’s lack of love or affection. Parents have many reasons for disparate treatment of their kids in wills and trusts, including facilitating the continuation of a family business or farm, trying to take “extra care” of certain family members who are perceived to need that extra or expressing some pointed thanks for some late-in-life care provided for the parents.
Similarly, do not expect a will or trust of a parent to “equal out” perceived inequal gifts or attention provided by the parents during the parents’ lifetimes. If parents have more than one child, it is inevitable that one or more children will receive more time, attention or money during the parents’ lives. Some parents keep detailed records of all of their gifts to their kids and have their wills offset those gifts. However, that is uncommon, largely because it is impractical. Parents’ wills and trusts seldom are perfect in precisely equaling out lifetime gifts even if the parents are specifically trying to equal out those lifetime gifts through their wills or trust.
Fourth, if you are fortunate enough to receive an inheritance (and no one is entitled to an inheritance), be ready to consult with finance professionals, depending on the type of item inherited.
For Ohioans in particular, there will likely be no gift, estate, inheritance or death taxes when someone passes away. However, a parent may gift some money remaining in the parent’s IRA to a child. If so, that child needs to be ready to take appropriate steps (usually with a financial advisor) to minimize the income taxes associated with liquidating that IRA, including by “stretching” the IRA distributions over a period of years.
