Dear Car Talk:
My husband is a passive driver, and I think it is dangerous.
It might be his right of way, but he waits to see what all the other people are doing. It confuses them. I’m afraid it will cause an accident.
What do you think? — Mrs. S.
I agree, Mrs. S.
There’s a difference between being polite and being unpredictable.
Safe driving is based on predictability. For instance, when I’m driving along a road, and a person is waiting to pull out, I know I have the right of way. So, I can predict that the person will stay put until I pass.
If I decide to be super polite and stop to let the person pull out, well, the person behind me is predicting that I’ll keep driving. And, if I make that stop unexpectedly, he may smash right into my “I’d Rather Be Watching The Great British Bake Off” bumper sticker.
So, unpredictability — whether it’s due to excessive politeness, or indecision — can cause accidents.
If your hubby is passive, that could indicate that he’s having trouble processing everything that’s going on. Driving involves complex calculations of where and how fast moving objects are going and what they’ll do next.
It’s not unusual for people, as they get older, to lose some processing speed. And if he’s waiting to see what everybody else does, it may be that intersections and complex maneuvers are more of a challenge for him now.
And, if you simply tell him to be more aggressive, he might be even more likely to cause an accident.
Rather than accuse him of being a doddering moron (the traditional marital approach) and making him feel inadequate and defensive, ask if you can talk to him about a change you’ve noticed.
Explain that it seems to you that his calculations on the road are getting a little slower, that you’ve noticed other drivers acting confused, and that he seems a bit less confident in these situations. Say you’re worried about his safety and yours. Suggest that you two do some brainstorming about what you might do.
Maybe that means that you do more of the driving, Mrs. S., or that you avoid busy areas at busy times. Or, longer term, maybe you think about living in a community where driving isn’t essential, like a cruise ship!
Got a question about cars? Write to Car Talk write to Ray in care of King Features, 628 Virginia Drive, Orlando, FL 32803, or email by visiting the Car Talk website at www.cartalk.com.
