LIMA — In trying times of being a parent, columnist and child psychologist John Rosemond says we simply need to exercise the authority that comes naturally.
Rosemond was guest speaker Wednesday at a benefit fundraiser for women and children in the Allen County area. The syndicated columnist appears in more than 200 newspapers nationwide, including The Lima News. Rosemond teaches parents to use a practical, tested solution using what he says children need most, love and leadership. He said several parents are straining under the pressure of parenthood, but that parents today are still up to the task.
“I am convinced today’s parents can still do a good job,” Rosemond said. “We are never going to be perfect. We just have lost our way listening to how others say we should do it.
Rosemond said there are 100,000 books on parenting available on Amazon, up from 68,000 in 2009. He defined the books as stacking up to being a “Tower of Parent Babel.” One of the many things he pointed out was the current push of many parents in wanting to build self-esteem in their children.
“You need to think about it as if you were buying a house,” Rosemond said. “If the Realtor says I have two houses I thought you should look at. One of them has a neighbor with very high self-esteem, the other has a neighbor who is humble.”
When the audience of about 80 in attendance answered the humble neighbor, his message sank in. He said the focus on higher self-esteem has created many who now suffer from depression at times because the world does not acknowledge their high opinion of themselves.
Rosemond said parents today could see better results by returning to tried and true methods used in the 1960s and before.
“When giving a child instructions, use as few words as possible,” Rosemond said. “The more words you use, the more it sounds like you are trying to convince them.”
He also said to use authoritative terms, such as “You need to …,” “Its time to …,” or “You’re going to …” He said not to give explanations for your instructions, other than “Because I told you so.” He said that would cut the argument off at the knees.
“I am not saying to be nasty,” Rosemond said. “Just be straight-forward.”
Rosemond said that women of earlier eras were feared by students and children, causing for less problems. He said the earlier women were able to exhibit more authority because they were more calm and confident with their instructions. He said many of today’s moms find parenting to be stressful when it doesn’t need to be.
Rosemond has many other details in his 14 parenting books available at http://rosemond.com.
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