LIMA — Dr. Jesse Jackson III reminded about 40 people in attendance at Lima West Middle School that parenting is a lifetime commitment.
“A lot of men feel that they can step away from it,” Jackson said. “The truth is, when you have a kid with a lady you are entering a 25-year contract.”
Jackson, an expert school behavior consultant and therapist, first spoke to staff at the school at an assembly earlier during the school year, and has since returned twice a month to work with both students and parents at the school.
“He is helping us to change the culture here,” said principal T.J. Winkler. “He is working on more contact with students and their parents to help change things for more positive outcomes.”
Jackson told the crowd that parents need to identify why kids are acting out. If the problem cannot be addressed, it often leads to more of the same actions.
“If a kid is acting out, it means they are parent-thirsty,” Jackson said. “We have community of broken people. It is often easier for a mother because it is innate. For fathers it is a little harder, they have to learn. Fathers often come from a family where their father did the same.”
Jackson said 80 percent of expulsions are male students. Parent also will often blame the kids for actions they should have been in control of.
“Think about it,” Jackson said. “If you are somewhere and a kid wanders off, you scold him for wandering,” Jackson said. “The blame is put on the child. It is your responsibility to watch the child. It is a lifetime commitment.”
Jackson said especially in today’s society, parents also need to be very involved after the children have gone to college. At older ages, he said no matter how good of a parent you are, everything you’ve done can be undone if your child gets around the wrong people. He said not to let society raise your child.
“Always check in with your children and see what they are doing,” Jackson said. “If they get involved with the wrong group, you lose all your work.”
Jackson said you can communicate with your children the best by using the “five love languages” — words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. He added that words of affirmation are the most important with sons, and quality time is the most important with daughters. He said methods of communication that have been proven wrong in studies include yelling, use of profanity, unclear communication, zero-tolerance policies, suspensions, abuse and use of the “take-away system.”
“Contrary to popular belief, it is particularly unwise with boys to take away things as punishment because it causes resentment,” Jackson said.
Jackson said the best methods are consistency with no breaks, using appropriate language when addressing an issue, acknowledging that boys are emotionally fragile, the use of restricted movement, clear communication and identifying the differences between behavioral problems and special education needs.
“Have consistency and don’t be a jellyback flip-flopper,” Jackson said. “If you gave something to them, it is theirs, but restrict the use of it. Using inappropriate language causes them to use it, and then they come to school and use it, causing the teachers to have to handle it. Use clear communication and spell things out. Don’t just tell them to take out the trash. Specify what trash to take out, where to take it, and what else there is to do.”
.neFileBlock {
margin-bottom: 20px;
}
.neFileBlock p {
margin: 0px 0px 0px 0px;
}
.neFileBlock .neFile {
border-bottom: 1px dotted #aaa;
padding-bottom: 5px;
padding-top: 10px;
}
.neFileBlock .neCaption {
font-size: 85%;
}
