On Nutrition: Food fun

If you’ve followed this column for a while, you know this is the week when I get to share jokes and groaners that may even be remotely related to food.

And as I can’t remember a funny story any longer than I have time to laugh, these have been gathered from various sources (with a few personal edits).


A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, sir. We don’t serve food here.” (Readers Digest)


A man from the city bought some land and moved out to the country. He walks into the local feed store and tells the owner he is going to start a chicken farm.

“I want to buy 100 chicks,” he says.

“That’s a lot of chicks,” the proprieter comments.

“I mean business,” the city man replies.

A week later he is back in the feed store. He tells the owner, “I need another 100 chicks.”

“Boy, you really are serious about this chicken farming!” says the owner.

“Yeah,” replies the new farmer. “I just need to iron out a few problems.”

“Problems?” the proprietor asks.

“Yes,” replies the man. “I think I planted that last batch a little too close together. (Michelle Miller, the Farm Babe, AgDaily)


What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

“This tastes a little funny.” (Readers Digest)


A woman walks into a bar with her computer and asks the bartender, “Can you give me the Wi-Fi password?”

The bartender replies, “You need to buy a drink first.”

“OK,” says the woman. “I’ll have a Coke.”

He brings her drink and says, “That’ll be 3 dollars.”

She pays him and says, “So, what’s the Wi-Fi password?”

He answers, “You need to buy a drink first … all lowercase, no spaces.” (Reddit)


From his favorite rocking chair on his front porch, a 95-year-old rancher shared words of wisdom with his grandson. After hearing his grandfather give his trusted advice about how to manage the land and the cattle for future generations, the youngster said,

“But Granddaddy, you have not told me the most important thing. How is it that you have lived such a long, healthy, and productive life?”

The old man paused and took his grandson’s hand. Then he said, “Gun powder! Sprinkle a pinch of gun powder over your breakfast every morning!”

The young man was shocked. “But Granddaddy, are you sure that really works?”

“For three generations,” said the old man, “every man that has run this ranch has lived well into their 90s with gun powder for breakfast!”

Several months later, the old man died. He left behind a beautiful ranch, 10 children, 25 grandchildren, 60 great grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be. (University of Florida Extension Service)


A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?”

“Pop,” goes the weasel. (bartendersbusiness.com)

Barbara Quinn-Intermill is a registered dietitian and certified diabetes educator affiliated with Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula. She is the author of “Quinn-Essential Nutrition” (Westbow Press, 2015). Email her at to [email protected].