New year, new me. Same resolution, different year. This will be the year I take care of me. I will make time to exercise daily, fuel my body with healthy foods, pray more, spend less, get more sleep, be a kinder person, a better wife, mother, and employee and maybe have a few less glasses of wine.
Every January, it is the same thing. Usually, I can keep up the resolutions for a good 30 to 60 days or so. But, as each month passes, the resolutions seem to start falling down on my priority list. Too busy to hit the gym, it’s OK to skip this once — which turns into weeks. Eh, eating out is OK tonight even though I know we won’t have time to cook tomorrow. Forgot my morning prayers (again), snapped at the kids (again) and ended the night with not one but two glasses of wine (again).
When summer starts showing its warm face and I realize that I soon will not be able to hide behind my sweatpants and hoodies, I usually can pick back up the working out and dieting to at least get me through a month or two. But, by the time fall and the holidays hit, it is like I am pushing through just to make it to the end of the year — baggy clothes, overeating, spending like crazy. Paying for a gym membership I haven’t used in months and sleeplessly muddling through as a wife and mother.
And as a new year approaches, I stop and think about how another year went by and I didn’t even begin to accomplish what I had hoped. Heck, I am not sure that I am any better of a person — emotionally, physically, mentally — than I was a year ago. Oh sure, I accomplished some things — took some great trips, made some wonderful everyday memories as I watched my girls grow, stepped up at work, fixed/made improvements on our house, paid off a vehicle and even built some new relationships with friends — but I haven’t really excelled at any of the “me” things that I wanted to accomplish in 2019 (or 2018 or 2017… you get the point).
It can be both disappointing and depressing to look back and wonder where the year went and how I managed to let every promise to myself slip along the way. And this time of year, people are talking everywhere (and posting on social media) about “new year, new me” and bettering themselves and, I hate to admit it, but I have even thought, “yeah, wonder how long that will last.” You know, like how the regulars at the gym stare at the January members just waiting for them to fall off the bandwagon.
But I realized something recently. Maybe I didn’t hit all of my resolutions for the year. Maybe I slipped up way too many times, lost sleep, put up walls, was not always the kindest, drank a little too much wine and prayed too little, but I did get 365 days of learning and growing throughout this year — as a mom, wife, daughter, friend and employee.
And maybe resolutions seem stupid. I mean, as mentioned before, I can never seem to keep them. But how completely awesome is it to know we have that “start over” spot in life every year. Sure, my resolutions may never fully be completed, but most of my resolutions are actually things I will need to work on every day for the rest of my life and may never really be fully accomplished anyway.
As a woman, my weight may yo-yo forever. I may have time to focus on that more some months than others. Constantly it may be a battle over what healthy meal I can provide (that my kids will actually eat). Always, I have room to grow and be a better mom, wife and friend. And truly, I can never pray too much.
As this year draws to a close, I refuse to dwell on what I did not get done over the last 12 months. Instead, I look forward to a brand-new year — a blank slate — to paint with new colors all those same resolutions that I focus on year after year. And if I don’t quite accomplish them every day this year either, then I will allow myself the grace of knowing that I am still — and as long as I am living will always be — a work in progress.
So, yes, “New year, new me” girl, that’s me. Again. Over and over again. And I could not be more excited to start my journey of resolutions — whether I fully accomplish them or not — for 2020.
Happy New Year!
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