A whole hand! That’s how long I have now been a Mama (come April 25.) There were many, many long days and several exhausting nights but just five short years. My oldest baby is turning 5, and I am completely shook up by this milestone.
I swear it was just a few month ago that I raced up the stairs in our first house together with tears in my eyes, my heart beating out of my chest, and a stick that clearly showed two pink lines. For two weeks prior, I was pretty sure I was pregnant and I kept telling an unpersuaded Paul. But, that was test No. 11, and the first one that finally made him believe it.
I’m convinced that it just a few weeks ago that Paul and I would sit down after dinner every night and watch my stomach bounce up and down to our sweet baby’s hiccups on the inside. It was shortly after that when I all but gave up and pleaded with my amazing doctor that I just couldn’t push anymore so she had to snatch me up and encourage me to get me back in the labor game.
Seriously, just days ago I was cursing that breast pump and yet praying my body would make more milk. I was eating this and not eating that all for her benefit. I cried when I finally had to introduce formula, was upset when she got her first diaper rash, and was so worried when she got her first cold. And I am pretty sure that I just put her down to sleep in her bassinet next to my bed.
In fact, I’m sure it was just yesterday we were videoing proof of her first tooth, the delight of her first word (mama of course), her first attempt at crawling, and (eventually — she was a late one), her first steps. She found her way out of our homemade baby proof living room and we found ourselves covering electrical outlets, locking kitchen cupboard doors and moving the knives way out of reach of our tall child.
It was only hours ago that she locked me out of the house while I was loading up the car. Of course, I immediately thought of at least 100 non-child-proof areas that she could be getting into while I waited 10 long minutes for Daddy to drive home from work to let me in. It was that week that we installed a keypad deadbolt.
And just moments ago, she became a big sister. After spending all of her two years alive as our one and only, she had every right to want nothing to do with our new addition, but she welcomed her with an overwhelming amount of love and kisses. She was the diaper and burp cloth fetcher, the singer of all the songs, the direction giver, the bottle holder, the story teller, and the first responder to Reagan’s cries (and she remains that).
Just seconds ago, she was dancing on the big stage for the first time (OK, maybe running around the stage, but still). She was finally completely potty trained and accident free, played basketball and hated it, started cheerleading and loved it, and blew my mind with her intelligence, memory and willingness to learn.
And now, she is 5. My heart has officially lived outside of my body for five years in the form of a radiant child — my radiant child. She brings joy, enthusiasm, passion and laughter. Oh, she brings sass, reminders of rules, tattletales, and (thankfully minimal) tired tantrums as well.
But she also brings love — so much love. Her little heart speaks through cuddles, kisses, giggles and the sincerest of unguided apologies that I have ever heard out of a young babe’s mouth. She longs to please (and gets it honestly from her GG). It is crazy to me that, even at 5, she feels the empathy and understands the effects of her actions. She bears qualities that I strive for daily.
She will graduate preschool soon which may be no big deal in the realm of her entire life, but it is a big deal to me. My baby, the one I carried inside of me for nine months, the one who counted on me to nourish her, change her, love her, clothe her, grow her and teach her, is now 5 and will soon become a full-day student.
I am still in shock that it’s been five years since this sweet child came into my life and filled a hole that I didn’t even realize was vacant. And, it is so unbelievable to me that my whole world has been so overwhelmingly happy and completely changed now for a whole entire hand.
Happy fifth birthday, Maylie Jane.
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