You’re standing in front of a locker in the hallway of the high school. You want to open it, and you know the combination.
You turn it to the right first to the appointed number, then the left, then the right. You try lifting the latch. It won’t open.
Maybe it was left first? You try that, spinning it that direction, then back around to the right, and finally back to the left. A quick pull up, and you still can’t open it.
I’ve been out of school for more than 20 years, and occasionally I still have this common anxiety-inducing nightmare.
With school starting at most area schools this week, it might be time to take a step back to understand why our children have the anxieties they do about returning to the classroom. They’re really concerns we all have in our lives, framed by the surroundings they know.
In this case, this was no night terror. My oldest daughter received the combination to her locker at freshman orientation. When she and my wife tried it in the morning, they couldn’t get it to open. My daughter’s nervousness about joining the ranks of the high school ratcheted up when something as simple as opening the locker wasn’t easy.
When I returned from work Wednesday, I agreed to take her to the school and try it again to calm her nerves. We spent nearly 10 minutes trying, and neither of us could get it to work despite the numerous variations we attempted.
A teacher saw we were struggling and came to show us the trick. We thanked her and tried to duplicate what she told us. It didn’t work at first, but eventually we got it to open consistently. (The trick, by the way, was never starting from zero.)
It’s been an anxiety-filled week at our house as our daughters prepare to go back to school. As parents, it’s too easy to just joke we’ll be happy to have them back in school and staying busy. We often forget just how stressful this season can be for them.
Our youngest daughter is worried about the rules. She’s moving into a different building this year, and her teacher happens to be an assistant principal this year. She’s worried that every trip to her classroom is also a trip to the principal’s office.
We could be dismissive, but who hasn’t freaked out a little bit when there’s a new boss or owner at work? Who hasn’t spent a little time awake at night wondering how your life might change when the people with authority change?
Our middle daughter is worried her friends won’t like her anymore. She hasn’t seen many of them since softball season ended in July. She’s concerned something changed in their relationships, that she might be lonely and cast aside when classes begin.
I’ve thought that many times over the years, as friends from work become friends who used to work there. You wonder if you’ll enjoy the surroundings the same, or if their absence might affect the quality of what you do.
The oldest has all those fears a new high schooler is going to have. That locker trouble proves even the simple things may be harder than she expects.
Anyone who’s ever become frustrated during the introduction of a new system or philosophy in an organization can understand that one.
It’s our job as parents to guide our children through these moments of tumult. We can’t be dismissive. We need to understand their fears and realize they’re commonplace in our own lives.
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