A man can learn a lot in 10 years.
My wife and I celebrated our 10th anniversary this weekend, and it’s a joyful celebration. We’re happy to be married and enjoying the ride.
Certainly many couples have been married longer and have tips to share. But given that the average marriage ending in divorce lasted just eight years, according to U.S. Census data, I can’t help but feel like we’ve built something that will last the test of time.
Perhaps it’s because we were both in our early 30s when we married. A study by a University of Utah sociologist and the Institute for Family Studies found marrying between 28 and 32 created the lowest divorce risk.
At the risk of sounding like an old-timer who’s figured it all out, I’ve learned a few things in those 10 years, 10 things to be exact:
1. These are the best days of my life. I can reminisce about those supposedly free days as a single man, but the reality is I was called to be a married man. I’ll take a walk to the ice cream stand with my wife and children over a night out drinking any day.
2. It’s more important to be happy than to prove you’re right. No one wins when you argue. You shouldn’t let anyone roll right over you, so decide when to take a stand. Save the fighting for major decisions. Still, the hardest, most time-consuming decisions are about what to eat and where to eat it.
3. The passion from the beginning may fade, but true love continues to grow. When you truly love someone, you’ll find the passion when it’s appropriate.
4. It’s a partnership. Do your part. In our house, we both work, so we split up the chores too. I know vacuuming and taking out the trash are my jobs. When I don’t do my part, I hurt our marriage.
5. Do 10 little things to make your spouse’s life easier, even if she might not notice. It goes a lot farther in your relationship than one magnanimous display of affection.
6. It doesn’t matter how enlightened your spouse might be, you’ll have to be a man sometimes. That means you’ll carry heavy stuff and deal with dead animals. Yes, that means killing spiders and bugs.
7. You’ve got to believe in something greater than yourself, together as a couple. I’m thankful my wife joined my church shortly after we married. Our faith in God pulled us through some tough times, such as when our youngest nearly died right after birth or our oldest was diagnosed with diabetes. God makes a good relationship even stronger.
8. Try new things together. My greatest memories so far include checking off wild things from my wife’s list of 40 things to do before she turned 40, such as going kayaking or eating at a five-star restaurant. I developed a better appreciation for the world.
9. If everyone else in the house wants a cat and you don’t, you’re going to get a cat — even if you’re allergic to cats. Your body will eventually build up a tolerance (which is the basic idea behind allergen immunotherapy).
10. Don’t forget about date night, no matter how important your children are to you or how busy they make you. You fell in love as a couple. Make sure you stay in love that way.
I don’t have the perfect marriage, but I have the perfect marriage for me and my wife. I’m grateful she took a chance on love. The cover of our wedding programs read, “True love is worth waiting for.” It truly was.
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