My family wandered around the Putnam County Fair on Friday night, looking for the next thrill for our children. Little did I know it would turn into an existential crisis.
My wife and I were a mixture of an ATM and pack mules, carrying stuff for our three girls while dispensing whatever money they needed for drinks and food. It was the plan for the night, entertaining the children before the amusements picked up for the next fair and left our kids in our uneventful village again. There are few greater thrills for children like my girls, ages 14, 8 and 7.
Then we ran into some friends of the younger two. They asked if they could walk around with their friends, as long as our older daughter chaperoned. My wife and I looked at each other for a moment, unsure of what exactly to say.
There’s no reason this responsible 14-year-old girl can’t watch her little sisters. We trust her with them when we go out on dates and during some summer days. No, that wasn’t our reason to pause.
This was the first time all our children told us they’d rather hang out with someone else other than us.
When children are young, there’s no one better than Mom and Dad. That’s who they ask for whenever they’re hurt, excited or even bored. They want to spend every moment with you, until they don’t.
We allowed it, then started wandering the fairgrounds aimlessly, wondering aloud what exactly a middle-aged couple might do at a fair by themselves for an hour or so.
Always one to let a sad moment get sadder, I started asking if this is what our lives would feel like when the children graduated and moved out of the house. Was this our future?
I understand there’s a world full of empty nesters out there, but we haven’t really had to ponder these ideas before. We’re still dealing with children at the age you wish they might be a little more independent sometimes, especially when you argue over putting on shoes and brushing hair most mornings.
Yet here they were, asserting their independence, just like you’d always wanted yet dreading it now that it’s come.
That’s proved to be the biggest disappointment of adulthood for me. I’d always looked forward to what was next to come as I grew up. Now that I’m there, I often miss the things that have passed.
I miss my babies falling asleep on my shoulder. I miss that shy look in the eye of a toddler, looking up to you to see if whatever they’re doing is really OK. I miss hysterical laughing at every corny dad pun.
I also delight in everything they become each day. I enjoy seeing them become more confident and willing to fight for what they think is right. I know we’ve raised them to be independent self-starters, and they’re just flexing that muscle.
As for my wife and I, we had a nice evening, even if it might not be my first choice of a place to spend an impromptu date night. We walked and chatted and reminisced. We had a nice evening.
We might not have found the thrills everyone sought earlier in the evening, but we found peace that our children were growing up, just as it’s intended.
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