Real Life Mama: Learning to keep the faith

One constant in my girls’ bedtime routine has always been prayer. From praying over them as babies to praying to them as toddlers to praying with them as kids, prayers have always been said.

Some of the times, they would fall asleep to the sound of my voice carrying on quiet cries to Jesus. Other times, they would ramble along a rushed, memorized mumble in a tone with which one might read the phone book just to get it done and over with. When they were younger, they didn’t quite get the reasoning behind it – the why behind the prayer – they just knew that it was something that we always did before bed.

Even without their understanding, I continued to pour prayer onto them – whether it was something big happening at school or even just a minor mistake – we always asked God to be with them, forgive them or help them through it.

My main prayer, as a mother, has always been that my babies would eventually pray not only because I made it a habit, but because they felt the need to talk to God.

A few months ago, as Reagan was dealing with some childhood drama (something big in her little realm of life but ultimately small in the grand scheme of things), I asked her if she talked to God about it. Noticeably frustrated, she proclaimed, “He never talks back to me!”

And honestly, for a second, I never felt closer to her. How many times had I talked to God, sought him out, begged for answers, and He just never spoke. There had been times where I was literally on my knees begging for God to just see me through that day – heck, maybe even that hour. And yet, he didn’t come right out and say, “here I am, Sarah, here are your answers.”

How long did it take me to realize that it wasn’t that He wasn’t speaking to me, it was that I truly was not opening my mind, ears and eyes to listen.

Sure, I understand that much better now – even though still, from time to time, I question his communication style. So how in the world was I going to explain it to my child that God doesn’t just come down and speak to us in words. Very carefully, I tried to relay to her that His voice is usually a thought or a feeling – He just has a way of speaking to us that we do not audibly hear.

At that time, she seemed to accept that answer and move on to the next busy thing in her day. And I, well I was kind of relieved (selfishly) that I didn’t have to try to explain more.

Throughout the last couple of months, I started stepping up my praying game which, in turn, directly stepped up theirs. We went from only nightly prayers and church on Sunday to a daily children’s devotional that we read together as well as before bus stop prayers.

One morning, after we read about bringing everything to God, Reagan proudly announced that she knew now that God doesn’t talk back. She went on to tell me that He doesn’t tell her things, He shows her.

Curiously, I pressed her for more information. Her example was that if she asks God for a chance at something then He either does or doesn’t give her a chance. He shows her the path.

He shows her. She’s listening.

Do I think she fully grasps the entire power behind prayer at the age of seven? No, not yet. But, do I also think that she is getting it – that it is starting to sink in that all of her troubles can be placed before the Lord and He will guide her path. Absolutely.

She has opened her mind up to trust and believe – she gives up worries and scares to Him. She turns to Him at recess to keep her from getting hurt while she plays tag (because, according to her, apparently a lot of people get hurt playing tag). She has incorporated God in her day to day life – she is bringing little things and big things to Him. She is searching out answers from Him. She is listening.

Look, I have made more mistakes as a mother than I would ever care to share publicly. There have been times I have felt like I was completely and utterly failing my kids. Many times, with my girls, I have asked God to make me a better Mother.

And I know I still have a long way to go. But I will tell you this, even if I fail at a million things as a mother, watching my daughters not only talk to God, but also look for answers and listen, makes me thank God that I have at least done something right.

Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her daughters and writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.