Letter: Trump and farmers, explained in five acts

A little fun into how farmers got treated by our “stable” leader:

Act I: [Monday— Cult leader, budding dictator and supreme narcissist Trump has a 3 a.m. light bulb moment.] Hmm. I need to deflect attention away from this Cohen-Manafort-Stormy-Russia-Collusion-Treason thing. [Dials phone.] “McConnell, it’s me. I need a plan.”

Act II: [Still Monday — Trump creates a crisis that directly hurts his brainwashed followers, farmers this time.] Ha! Tariffs! Take that, all of you allies of America! [Blames Democrats, our allies, and Hillary for good measure.]

Act III: [Tuesday — uses taxpayer money to “bail” farmers out.] Brilliant. “I am Lord and Savior Trump!”

Act IV: [Still Tuesday — brainwashed masses shoot automatic weapons in the air celebrating their supreme leader.] MAGA! Down with big government! kill all socialists!

[Cut to scene: Putin pulls strings and snickers while making Trump do a little boy’s dance. Ivanka and Jared stare off vacuously into space.]

Act V: [Still Tuesday — Putin calls Trump on the burner phone he gave him in Helsinki to congratulate him.] “хороший мальчик” on executing the Montenegro and Iran propaganda as instructed. I didn’t think you could do it.” [Trump takes a sloppy bite of his Big Mac.] “Further instructions will arrive soon. Oh, and, little comrade, don’t touch the door handle to the Oval Office for a few days.”

Simmon Ellis



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