David Trinko: If Dr. Seuss had a teenager


By David Trinko - The Lima News



ONLY ON LIMAOHIO.COM

See past columns by David Trinko at LimaOhio.com/tag/trinko.

Dr. Seuss is best known as a children’s book author. His classics include “Green Eggs and Ham,” “The Cat in the Hat” and “One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.”

I wonder if he missed his true calling. Sure, the clever rhymes and colorful imagery work well for younger children. Perhaps they could help get through to teenagers too. If he had, it might look a little like this:

I am Teen. Teen I Am.

Would you like to wear your coat?

I will not wear my coat. I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

But it’s 25 degrees out there, and it’s oh, so cold. Would you like to wear your coat?

I do not care if it’s cold or hot. I do not care; I care not. I will not wear my coat. I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

Would you wear it if it snowed?

I would not wear it, if it snowed. I would not wear it if that snow blowed. I will not wear my coat! I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

Would you wear your coat if your froze?

I would not care if I froze. I would not care; I’d rather doze. I will not wear my coat! I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

What about a hat and mittens?

I would not wear my hat or mittens. I wouldn’t care if I’m frost-bitten. I will not wear my coat! I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

Why don’t you wear it to the store?

I would not wear it to the store. I wouldn’t go with you, you’re such a bore. I will not wear my coat! I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

But you demanded such a nice coat. Won’t you wear it, since you cast your vote?

I do not care that it’s a nice coat. I do not care that you heeded my vote. I have no interest in wearing it. I only wish that you would split. I will not wear my coat! I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

But what about the neighbor boy outside? He’s wearing his coat. Couldn’t you wear yours while we ride?

The neighbor boy can wear his coat. So can Santa Claus and every character ever wrote. As for me, I refuse. On this request, you’ll always lose. I will not wear my coat! I will not wear it, says Teen I Am.

I see your best friend is at the door. Don’t you notice what she wore? She has her coat.

I’d better grab my coat. What a bright decision; that’s my vote. You could’ve told me it was wise. I could have put mine on for size. I will wear my coat! I will wear it, says Teen I Am.

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By David Trinko

The Lima News

ONLY ON LIMAOHIO.COM

See past columns by David Trinko at LimaOhio.com/tag/trinko.

David Trinko is managing editor of The Lima News. Reach him at 567-242-0467, by email at dtrinko@limanews.com or on Twitter @Lima_Trinko.

David Trinko is managing editor of The Lima News. Reach him at 567-242-0467, by email at dtrinko@limanews.com or on Twitter @Lima_Trinko.

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