You know those beautifully organized closets where all the clothes neatly hang on identical hangers spaced precisely the same distance apart?
That’s not our closet.
You know those closets in the movies where incredibly rich people push some button and clothes rotate in a circle like at the dry cleaners?
That’s not our closet.
You know the closets that are so enormous that you could comfortably house the Anheuser-Busch draft horses alongside all the neatly organized clothes and still have enough extra space to rent the closet out on Airbnb?
That’s not our closet either.
You know the comic gag where the guy opens a closet door, and clothes, shoes, a bowling ball and boxes of old tax returns and Christmas decorations fall out on top of him?
Don’t make me spell it out.
Our closet is a mess, which is why I enrolled in Hanger Management. This Hanger Management is clothing-based, not to be confused with the other Hanger Management, which is food-based and deals with people who get so hungry they get angry (hangry). My Hanger Management is for those of us who come unhinged confronting a giant ball of tangled wire hangers.
What pushed me over the edge was hearing that most people wear 20% of their clothes 80% of the time.
How could that possibly be true? All that shopping for nothing?
The way to find out is to turn all your clothes hangers backward. Then, after you wear something, rehang it with the hanger hanging correctly.
I’ve discovered that it’s extremely awkward to have your hangers hanging backward. I also discovered that the 20/80 estimate is highly probable.
Being that I am an overachiever, not content to simply monitor my own clothing, I informally monitored the husband’s wardrobe choices as well. His numbers came in at roughly 2/98. He wears about 2% of his clothes 98% of the time. Of course, he doubted my math, so I issued the “Don’t Wear the Same Clothes You Tend to Wear Six Days a Week Challenge” and he took it.
He broke out a different pair of pants and shirt, prompting one of the girls to look him up and down and say, “Where are you going?”
Flipping all your hangers not only shows which articles of clothing you most often wear, but what colors you favor.
I apparently like black. That was not a surprise. Black dress, black pants, black shirt, black sweater — I’m good to go.
Granted, I’ve heard people say that black is depressing, but I’ve also heard people say that black is not depressing, it is poetic.
Criticize a woman’s wardrobe because she likes black
There’s a very good chance she’ll give you a whack.
In any case, I’ve been purging the closet, and it looks good. Or at least better. The clothes on hangers aren’t perfectly aligned and uniform, but then neither are we.
Lori Borgman is a columnist, author and speaker. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.