Real Life Mama: Check on your ‘fine’ friends


By Sarah Shrader - Guest columnist



Honestly, you just need to listen. Seriously, just let your friends know that in their “fine” world someone cares enough to stop, shut everything else down, and take it all in – that their season of fine matters.

Honestly, you just need to listen. Seriously, just let your friends know that in their “fine” world someone cares enough to stop, shut everything else down, and take it all in – that their season of fine matters.


It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.

But, is it really?

Yo, I am telling you – check on your “fine” friends. It’s an act. Everything is not fine. Nothing is fine. Or a whole lot is not fine. And, that’s ok. Because in this crazy life, there are times when things just are not fine.

Look, life is not always rainbows and sunshine. And regardless of how well someone can put on a front, notice the word “fine.” Because to me, that’s a trigger word that life may be all but that.

But, that’s how life is – it ebbs and flows – one day you are on top of the world, and the next, the rug has been pulled out from under your feet. Life … it changes. Situations change, circumstances change, people change. It’s a thing. And it can come at you at any time.

Or, it can come at someone close to you who is really good at concealing it. It can be shocking and breathtaking that someone you know is dealing with things that the world knew nothing about.

Maybe, it wasn’t plastered all over social media or mentioned in the small talk in the elevator. Maybe, it was buried beneath the hustle and bustle of the busy days surrounding and the quiet nights alone. Maybe, it was built into every single conversation that mentioned the word, “fine.”

My mom, she always has hated the word fine. “How was dinner?” Fine. No, not fine. Fine has always had a negative connotation with her – if it is not amazing or excellent then that is not enough. Fine was never enough.

And guys, I am here to tell you that fine really is not enough – in any aspect of your life. If your friends say they are fine. They are not. They need to talk, vent, scream – exhale some major stuff and are secretly begging for someone to pry into their fineness.

It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.

It’s probably not. Most likely, things around them are shattering quicker than they can keep track of. Their grasp on all the things is wearing thin – something major is going on and they need someone to dive in and want to hear more – offer an ear to listen, a mind to give reflection and perspective and a heart to understand.

But know this, you don’t have to solve all their problems. Heck, most likely your view and suggestions to fix it are going to go in one ear and out the other. Honestly, you just need to listen.

Seriously, just let them know that in their “fine” world someone cares enough to stop, shut everything else down, and take it all in – that their season of fine matters.

Because, fine matters. Fine is not a place to live. Oh, it certainly is relevant in parts of the journey of life, but it’s not a constant place to occupy.

And, those talks – the friends who step up and peel back all the layers of fine and what that entails – those are the people who build those walls up from fine – who help you get past the disarray and find the extraordinary.

And, I am telling you now. Life shouldn’t be fine. You are not promised a thing on this earth – not another breath, moment, day or year. Never should fine be enough. Because honestly, you are more than enough to be fine forever.

Sure, fine beats what could be worse. I totally get that. It’s not that bad. But, is it that good?

Now, don’t get me wrong, there are times when fine just has to do for the time being. Fine is ok to get by in the in-between. But, fine, it’s not a destination. It’s not a place to set up shop and stay forever.

Or maybe it is, for you. But, me, I need more than fine. If I am telling you that all is fine, I am surely failing at something at that point in my life.

But, we all fail at certain things at certain times. And, it’s OK. Live in the fine for the time that you need to live in it. But then, go. Seek out the adventure; the next fruitful step of your journey of becoming anything that is more astounding than fine.

Because with help from those who hear you out and support you, once you finally find that fine is and should always have only been a transition piece in your trek, you will feel the weight of the word fall off your shoulders and finally realize that that was never where you were intended to be.

Or, maybe you won’t. Either way, it’s fine.

https://www.limaohio.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/54/2021/04/web1_Shrader-Sarah-CMYK-1.jpg
Honestly, you just need to listen. Seriously, just let your friends know that in their “fine” world someone cares enough to stop, shut everything else down, and take it all in – that their season of fine matters.
https://www.limaohio.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/54/2021/04/web1_IMG_8148.jpegHonestly, you just need to listen. Seriously, just let your friends know that in their “fine” world someone cares enough to stop, shut everything else down, and take it all in – that their season of fine matters.

By Sarah Shrader

Guest columnist

Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her husband, Paul, and their daughters, her writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.

Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her husband, Paul, and their daughters, her writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.

Post navigation