I am giving it up. Everything. No longer can I carry all that I have been holding for the last almost year. It’s heavy, I can’t handle it any longer. So, I am giving it up. To God.
Man, that’s so easy to say — to declare. It is the doing of that which seems so difficult. I mean, numerous times I have read “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:26-27
But, as a worst-case scenario thinker and a person who wants to fix and handle things, it is so hard to just switch my mind to, “Hey, God, could you hold this for me, it is dragging me down. I know you got this. I trust you.”
And it’s not because I don’t trust Him. Because I do — heck, He hasn’t let me down yet. And it’s not because I don’t trust His plans — although some have been not the easiest to swallow — I know He has a plan. It’s just that, for this stubborn child, I really like my plans as well. So, giving up those has been just another worry to add onto the pile.
But, I am working on it. And maybe this is my accountability speech; maybe I am writing this just to simply be able to come back time and time and time again to remind myself to give it to God.
As a full-time working Mama, wife, daughter, sister, friend, Christian and American, I am lightening my load. So, here I am handing over all my fear and anxieties to a God who not only has got this, but also wants me to give it all to Him.
Carry this, Lord, our country. From the hands and hearts of so many Americans and I, please come and correct the condition of this country — the fear, doubts, hatred and negativity. As a people we are failing, and we need your divine intervention. I give this to You.
Carry this, Lord, this pandemic. While there is light at the end of the tunnel there are so many questions and fears still lingering. Gatherings, school, extracurriculars, judgment and the unknown — they all still weigh me down. It’s yours now, God, I am exhausted from holding my breath for so many months and not knowing what to do.
Carry this, Lord, my family and children. You know the worries that entice daily — from hoping we are doing enough as parents and spouses to wondering what the world will be like when our babies truly walk out into it. Pave that path, Lord. Set each individual stone accordingly so we can step back and know that we have done our best and it is in your hands.
Carry this, Lord, the hurt, pain and questioning of those passing well before what we believed to be their time. It hurts, God, and, sometimes, we get angry and don’t understand. Take away the doubt — rip it right out of our hearts and replace it with gratitude for the time we had with them and the light that they brought to us.
Carry this, Lord, the future. Whether it is relationships, career, friendships or anything — please just take on the unknown and let us rest in the truth that whatever it may be, you are already there.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, God, it’s not like I am laying down and not giving my best through all of these things. It is just that, when I let you pull the weight off of my chest, I can breathe again. Which means I can focus on becoming more aligned with your will and work towards supporting all the things that you are now holding.
Even if I have to remind myself 20 times a day to hand them over, I will. Because every time my stubborn self finally lets go of something lingering on my heart, I get a refreshing feeling of freedom knowing You are in control.
And despite all the times I have been told to never give up and keep fighting, I have finally realized that this life was never mine to fight alone and giving up it all to You, God, actually shows more courage and strength than keeping it in.
Whether freely handing it over will ever sink in and be an easy release, I don’t know. But my challenge to myself is to continually come back and hand over all of my concerns.
So, here you go, Lord, I am giving it up — all of it — to You.
Sarah (Pitson) Shrader was born and raised in Lima. She is a Lima Central Catholic and Tiffin University graduate. Sarah is a full-time working mama who enjoys writing about her somewhat crazy, always adventurous life as a mother. She lives in Bath Township with her husband, Paul, and their daughters, her writing inspirations, Maylie and Reagan.