A friend who knows I love corny jokes — especially those about food — sent this one to me: “What did the chick pea say when it was sick?” Pause … “Falalfel.”
Maybe it’s time to pull out some of my favorite groaners from various sources. Bear with me:
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house. After eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, “We went to a new restaurant last night that was really great. I would recommend it highly.”
“What’s the name of the restaurant?” the other man asked.
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know … .the one that’s red and has thorns.”
“You mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s the one.” He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”
“I asked the waiter, Is this milk fresh? He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.” (Phyllis Diller)
Students in a nutrition class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was to name seven advantages of mother’s milk. One student could think of only six: 1. It is the perfect formula for infants; 2. It provides immunity against several diseases; 3. It is always the right temperature; 4. It is inexpensive; 5. It bonds the infant and mother; 6. It is always available as needed.
Finally, just before the bell rang, the student wrote in desperation: 7. It comes in two attractive containers that are high enough off the ground so the cat can’t get it.
He got an A.
Wine pairing in the Stone Age: If it tries to eat us, serve with red. If it runs away from us, serve with white.
Two older ladies meet at the market after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other’s health, one woman asks how the other’s husband is doing. “Oh, Henry died last week! He went out to the garden to dig up carrots for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!”
“Oh, dear! I’m very sorry.” replied her friend. “What did you do?”
“I opened a can of peas instead.”
Seen on a sign outside a liquor store: Don’t forget to buy a bottle of wine for Mom on Mother’s Day. Remember … you’re the reason she drinks.
An avocado looks in the mirror and repeats this affirmation to himself: “You’re fat, but you’re good fat.”
Fairy tale: Once upon a time, a prince asked a beautiful princess, “Will you marry me?”
The princess said “NO!”
So the prince rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and drank beer and ate whatever he wanted and lived happily ever after. The End.
Barbara Quinn is a registered dietitian and certified diabetes educator affiliated with Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula in California. She is the author of “Quinn-Essential Nutrition” (Westbow Press, 2015). Email her at to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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