John Grindrod: Yielding to the guy swan song of the Stooges

When it comes to Hollywood's attempts to bring back the past by way of remakes of successful movies and television shows from yesteryear, certainly the bag is mixed when it comes to how successful they've been. It seems for every “True Grit,” with Jeff Bridges in the saddle instead of the iconic John Wayne, there have also been nearly unwatchable reprisals like Adam Sandler's “The Longest Yard.” So, it was with more than a little trepidation that I got home from my daily labors on Monday and decided to take in the 4:25 p.m. show “The Three Stooges,” the latest comedy by brothers Peter and Bobby Ferrelly.I arrived at The Regal Theatre and plunked down my $9.50 (my, how movie prices have changed since the days of the original Stooges!) and headed up the carpeted incline with some doubts as to whether the movie would help me reconnect with the comedians that made me howl while I lay on the floor in front of the TV in the late 1950s or whether I would leave disgusted by a low-grade performance.I decided I owed it to the original Stooges — brothers Moe and Shemp Howard; Shemp's replacement, his and Moe's youngest brother Jerry, who after shaving his head, became Curly; and Larry Fine — to be pretty doggone critical of the Farrellys' depiction of the Stooges and the production elements of the story.While the original Stooges did make some feature films, the former vaudevillians found their niche once they were signed to an MGM contract in the 1930s. Their vehicle was shorts, stories of about 20 minutes, which, of course, ran in black and white.By the time those films made it to the TV in front of me as I munched dry saltines on the floor in a house in the 1500 block of Latham Avenue, the films were, well, for lack of a better word, perfect.First, the less-than-a-half-hour running time was just right for a hyperkinetic boy who wouldn't have sat much longer than that unless another short followed it, which, inevitably it did, one with a different story but the same poke-in-the-eyes-wooden-mallet-to-the-head-enhanced-sound-effects humor.Second, although, surprisingly, color TV was available in the mid-1950s, in my house and nearly all my pals' houses, it would be a decade before color sets were in place in our living rooms. So, the primary entertainment colors of my youth, black and white, suited me just fine.And, finally, the Stooges resonated with me because I knew I could watch in peace with no intrusive questions and admonitions from my older sister, Joan, that would have sounded something like, “Why would you think that poking someone in the eyes is funny? Don't you try that on the bus, or I'm telling Mom!”You see, the Stooges have always been a guy thing. It is our domain and a part of our DNA to laugh at pain, whether it be my generation's recollection of the Stooges or a later generation of boys laughing at those “Jackass” movies.I call it the groin-shot distinction between the sexes when it comes to comedy. Show a clip of a guy being hit in that special and sensitive area by a thrown ball bat by his 3-year-old on “America's Funniest Home Videos,” and watch the audience's reaction. The women wince sympathetically, and the men howl because … well … as all guys know, there's nothing funnier than a man getting hit in the groin as long as it's somebody else's groin!At any rate, here's my review without playing spoil sport and revealing any of the deep and complex tapestry of a plot for all you guys and the few somewhat-left-of-center gals who intend to see it.While the movie isn't perfect, the Farrellys nailed the vehicle the Stooges drove so well by separating their film into three shorts, with opening credits for each, despite the fact that the second and third actually are continuations of the same plot introduced in the first.The movie opens with a speeding car traveling up a dusty road and roaring up to an orphanage and an Army duffle bag being flung out the window and landing with a thud on the front porch.On the porch is Sister Mary-Mengele, who is the curmudgeonly nun that becomes the Stooges' nemesis and is played so very well by in-drag-habit Larry David, co-creator and producer of my favorite sitcom of all time, “Seinfeld.” She unzips the bag and out pops three babies' heads, one sporting a bowl haircut, one with wild Art Garfunkel-ish hair and one shaved. Our heroes have arrived.I will tell you that the portrayals of Larry (Sean Hayes), Curly (Will Sasso) and Moe (Chris Diamantopoulos) are absolutely spot-on.While the story line is unbelievable and some may criticize the movie for that, that objection is as silly as their never being any blood after a hammer lands on a Stooge head. After all, the original Stooges never promised anything more than farcical stories with loosely constructed plots, plenty of pain, some memorable puns and some sort of resolution at the end. In the new version, you'll get all of this.Actually, I have just two criticisms when it comes to what all right-thinking, eye-poke-loving men of a certain age must see. One is a criticism for which I hold the Farrellys responsible, and one is not.What I will take the brothers to task for is the movie should have been filmed in the black and white of my youth, not color. I wonder if the color opt was to enhance the heavy-on-the-cleavage outfits of Lydia, played by “Modern Family” star Sofia Vergara, who enters the plot as a woman of little depth (unless we're talking necklines) who tries to enlist our heroes to kill her husband.Finally, and this is certainly not the Farrellys' fault, perhaps some forms of slapstick, like the type perpetrated by the Stooges, are better left in the past as a staple of a far simpler time, long before technological sophistication was needed to entertain us.While some may think that a little nyuk-nyuk-nyuk goes a long way, at the end of the 92-minute journey into my past and at the end of this past Monday, I'm glad I went.You can comment on this column at www.LimaOhio.com.