For those of you who know me well, you realize my firm conviction that, when it comes to the greatest sitcoms of all time, the discussion begins and ends with "Seinfeld," the ultimate show about nothing.
But, in all the inane circumstances and observations put forth in the nine gold-standard seasons of the series, something always resonated with its devotees. So, with just a few short days left before we turn our attention to the brilliant hues of autumn and then see if we’re all going to have dues to pay for last year’s ultra-mild winter (the almanacs are suggesting we will, sorry to say), I offer some final loosely thrown together observations, but perhaps some that’ll prompt a chuckle or get you nodding your head a bit in agreement.
First, let me tell you that, perhaps because of that aforementioned mild winter, I went cold-less last cold season, that is, until late May and early June when I did that sore-throat-runny-nose-scratchy-throat thing.
In this day of rising medical costs when it comes to running to the doctor, as I think most of you do, I hit the pharmacy instead for the old DayQuil-NyQuil combo pack, which, by the way, I think is quite a nice piece of marketing.
Also, I bought a pack of my favorite cough drops, Halls Mentho-Lyptus. When I looked at the package when waiting in line, I noticed it had changed. Now, I will tell you that in the past I have been amused at some of the explanations and warnings on products, I suppose, as a hedge against possible litigation if the consumer misuses a product, say, he and a pal decide to have a chugging contest using cups of McDonald’s coffee.
Check the side of a box of suppositories, and get ready to chuckle as to stating the obvious because you’ll read admonishments like, “Be certain to take the foil off” and “Not to be taken orally.”
In similar fashion, when I looked at the Halls package, under the graphic of a large cough drop that was a couple of inches wide and an inch high, I saw just how far Madison Avenue will go to state the obvious. Below the horse-pill sized graphic of the cough drop was the word enlarged.
Now, was it really necessary to tell a potential consumer with a constricted and sore throat that’s having trouble in the oral regions that it really isn’t a real spruce idea to stick a lozenge in his mouth that will give his face the distended appearance of, say, one of the baseball cards of my youth, the man for my money who was the greatest tobacco chewer of all time, White Sox second basemen, Nellie Fox?
On a totally unrelated note, this summer, I finally got around to trying a couple of those Taco Bell Doritos Nacho Cheese Tacos. The first, I ate immediately, and the second, I threw in the fridge, figuring when the next internal call to run for the border came, I wouldn’t have all that far to get there.
When the call came the next day, I made a discovery that I’ll pass along to you as a public-service announcement. The shell had, sort of, gone limp, and the experience was not nearly as tasty as the one I ate right away. The moral of my brief tale is, when it comes to one of Taco Bell’s newest products, by all means, buy to try, but eat right away!
Finally, and you get the idea, on a third totally unrelated topic, what’s up with the posted speed limit signs on North Shore Drive across from Faurot Park at the base of Derby Hill?
Now, if you’ve not noticed, if you happen to be traveling east in the lane farthest away from the park, the speed limit is posted at 25 miles per. However, within a few feet of that posting, certainly less than 10, beside the westbound lane, there’s a sign you can clearly see in your rearview mirror if you’re traveling east that posts the speed at 35.
Admittedly, not ever once have I ever been accused of being the smartest guy in the room unless I’m, in true Macaulay Culkin mode, home alone, so there may be some reason. Do me a favor. If you know it, the next time you see me, please enlighten. Why aren’t both lanes posted at the same speed? And, even if they aren’t, why is the one closest to where kids play posted at the higher speed?
At any rate, it’s almost time to start my fall thoughts. More on them as they develop, especially when I’m stuck for something to write!