Simple things I wish I'd invented

I have long been very intrigued by inventors and inventions and have always had a certain reverential awe for Ben Franklin, considered by many to be America's greatest person. Sure, I regard him so highly certainly for his considerable abilities as an author and printer, as a city planner, as a scientist, and as a diplomat and statesman. However, I am more fascinated by his inventions such as the lightning rod, the wood-burning stove, bifocals, and the odometer (which he affixed to a wagon to measure the distance traveled).

Much of what Franklin invented has become part of the fabric of our day-to-day lives, unlike much of what we see on infomercials which burst on the scene and then fall out of favor when people realize that their lives aren't dramatically made better by the use of the invention.

Years ago, I recall hearing of an invention which the world just couldn't do without. It was a device with a key that slipped over the end of a tube of toothpaste and rolled the tube up so maximum use of the paste was achieved.

While the idea was good, toothpaste packaging changes suddenly rendered such an invention superfluous.

Today we have the ShamWow, which appears to be an invention with plenty of staying power. Only time will tell if we continue to be wowed about its super absorbency.

When it comes to inventions, the ones in which I continue to marvel are the ones I would have loved to have invented. All five I have in mind are quite simple.

The first I haven't had occasion to think much about for a long time, yet this item holds a special place in my heart. It's the disposable diaper. The odious task of changing a little one's diaper fell equally, as it should have, to both parents of my two daughters.

While certainly throwaway diapers had been around for some time before my first arrived on the scene, they were not as trusted as the old reliable cloth versions, or so I was told. I don't recall getting a vote. What I do remember is I did a lot of dunking and flushing and PU-ing!

By the time No. 2 arrived on the scene, I did a lot less dunking and flushing and a lot more walking outside to the garbage can and disposing. What a difference three years makes.

My second coveted invention is the rubber band. I have always loved them, from the moment I used one around my baseball glove to help form a good pocket.

Now, I love the fat ones I sometimes get at the bank to use, as many guys do, as a rudimentary money clip or, when I need a wallet, around it as a means to compress it before putting it into my pocket. I also love the use of a rubber band around open bags of chips and pretzels to keep them crisper.

A third invention I wish I'd invented is duct tape. I've used it myself countless times, but my usage pales to what I once saw my friend do with the wonderful gray adhesive. Except for the steering wheel, she once duct-taped the entire interior of a 1993 Ford Explorer. No foolin'!

A fourth item I wish I'd invented is the paperclip. To this day, I find it impossible to leave one on the floor if I see a discard. The whole idea of keeping papers together so that they can be reordered or appended without putting staple holes in them appeals to this writer.

My final item I wish I'd given the world is the ballpoint pen. While the ballpoint was first patented in 1888, the fountain pen, even with its discharges and smears, continued to dominate until the mid-1940s. It was then that the first ballpoint appeared in the United States at Gimbels, retailing for a rather pricey $12.50.

There is something very appealing about an invention as utilitarian as a ballpoint and so readily available. And, how about it going from $12.50 to free with a company logo on it in a little over 60 years? To me, turning one down when offered is absurd!

So, there you have it, folks. While many are drawn to glitzy "techno" inventions like MP3s and the latest smart phone, they really aren't a part of my world. I'll leave those to the youthfully exuberant. My favorite inventions are indeed steeped in antiquity.