Jim Krumel: Funny business on Presidents Day

By Jim Krumel - jkrumel@civitasmedia.com

Jim Krumel

Presidents Day is a day when some folks get the day off because … well, I’m not sure why they get the day off.

For a lot of them, it’s not like they even vote on Election Day. And, if given the choice between clicking the TV remote on a State of the Union Address or a rerun of “Family Guy,” many of these folks would be laughing out loud with Peter and Lois Griffin.

That’s a shame, because they don’t know what they’re missing. The leaders of the free world will surprise you at times with what they have to say.

Inspiring words? Sometimes.

Humbling talk? Not so much of that.

Funny stuff … there you go. Try these:

About Congress:

“I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandment’s would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.” — Ronald Reagan

•“Washington, D.C., is 12 square miles bordered by reality.” — Andrew Johnson:

•“The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.” — Ronald Reagan

About taxes:

•“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.” — Herbert Hoover

•“At a time when funds for the Defense budget may be cut, it’s comforting to see so many of the big guns from your industry still getting loaded.” — Gerald Ford, at liquored up Correspondents’ Association dinner

•“The taxpayer: That’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan

About war:

•“Here’s my strategy on the Cold War: We win, they lose.” — Ronald Reagan

•“It was absolutely involuntary. They sank my boat.” — John F. Kennedy, answering a little boy on how he became a war hero

•“Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.” — Ronald Reagan

On government:

•“The most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.’” — Ronald Reagan

•“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” – John F. Kennedy

•“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.” — Ronald Reagan

•“Change will not come if we wait. … We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” — Barack Obama

About themselves:

•“Nothing is easy, but who wants nothing.” — Donald Trump

•“People say I’m indecisive, but I don’t know about that.” — George H.W. Bush

•“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?” — Abraham Lincoln

•“I just received the following wire from my generous daddy: ‘Dear Jack, Don’t buy a single vote more than is necessary. I’ll be damned if I’m going to pay for a landslide.’ – John F. Kennedy

•“There’s nothing left to do but to get drunk.” — Franklin Pierce, upon leaving office

Put downs

•“He’s so dumb he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time.” — Lyndon Johnson, on Gerald Ford

•“If you give me a week, I might think of one.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower, when asked to name one big decision that Richard Nixon helped make as vice president

•“Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I’m the only person standing between Richard Nixon and the White House.” – John F. Kennedy

•“He’s no better than a regular sissy.” — Harry S. Truman, on Adlai Stevenson

So what president had the best quips of all time?

Ronald Reagan in my book, hands down.

ROSES AND THORNS: A Delphos teen’s inspiration gets her a spot in the rose garden.

Rose: To Carleigh Ankerman, a student at Delphos St. John’s High School. While talking with two customers at Gessner’s Produce, she learned they were from Columbus and provided lodging for families who have loved ones being treated for cancer in Columbus. The couple were in Delphos to visit a family they helped. Ankerman was so moved by the couple that she organized two fundraising drives that have raised more than $2,000 for the facility.

Rose: To Steve Newman, of Lima. He’s heading to California to assist the Red Cross in its disaster relief efforts involving the Oroville Spillway failure.

Rose: To Bob Fricke, general manager of Allen County Fair. He signed Dustin Lynch, one of country music’s popular upcoming stars, to headline the entertainment at this year’s fair.

Thorn: To Dominic DiSalvo, who officials said led Celina police on an unusual car chase. When officers tried to pull him over for driving left of center, DiSalvo kept on going. But as he drove through the city, the Celina man was careful not to speed. He also stopped at stop signs and always used his turn signal. He didn’t start to speed until he got out of town, at which point he lost control of his vehicle, crashed and was caught by police.

Thorn: A pickup truck was driven through the front entrance of Lima Memorial Health System’s Professional Office Building III. The driver, reportedly, may have had a seizure.

PARTING SHOT: When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Jim Krumel
http://www.limaohio.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/54/2017/02/web1_Jim-Krumel-2.jpgJim Krumel

By Jim Krumel


Jim Krumel is the editor of The Lima News. Contact him at 567-242-0391 or at The Lima News, 3515 Elida Road, Lima, Ohio 45807.

Jim Krumel is the editor of The Lima News. Contact him at 567-242-0391 or at The Lima News, 3515 Elida Road, Lima, Ohio 45807.