Offering compassion: Group helps those whose children have died

LIMA — It's almost taboo to talk about the death of a child. It's every parent's worst nightmare, something you don't dare think about let alone say out loud.But taboo or not, it still happens. Children die. And sometimes talking helps.The West Central Ohio Chapter of The Compassionate Friends knows this, and the support group for bereaved parents is there to listen and offer support. First formed more than 20 years ago, the chapter moved from Ada to Lima last September by Lisa Long and Susan Mason. Both women lost their sons in the same 2009 car accident. Long's son, Kyle Long, was 18 years old and Mason's son, Seth McClintock, was 17. They know what the members of the chapter are going through. “Some like to come talk to others who have been through it because if you haven't been through it, you don't understand,” Long said. “When you sit and share your stories ... it helps you through. One time you're OK, one day not. There is a new normal, but it takes time.”The Compassionate Friends was founded more than 40 years ago in England by a chaplain who realized that grieving parents could provide more support to each other than he could, according to the organization's website, www.compassionatefriends.org. The group was first incorporated in the United States in 1978 and there are now more than 640 chapters nationally. Anyone mourning the loss of a child, including grandparents or siblings, are also welcome in the organization.Local chapter meetings are 7 p.m. the third Tuesday of each month at First Assembly of God church in Lima, and although the number of people at the meetings varies from month to month, Long said there are 280 members on the chapter's mailing list. Kim Osborn is one of those members. Her daughter Katelyn Wessel died July 5, 2004, at 13 years old. She had Rett Syndrome, a genetic neurological disorder, but Osborn said Katelyn was generally healthy despite the complications associated with Rett. She had seizures and one bout with pneumonia, and although Osborn knew death was a possibility, she said she never thought it would be Katelyn. “You always think it's going to be someone else. ... I put her to bed that night and in the morning she was gone,” Osborn said. “When you have a child with a disability, you mourn the milestones they're never going to hit, but then they're gone and it's even harder. She would have graduated this year.”At first she didn‘t attend many chapter meetings, but is more active in the group now.“With me, I had to deal with my own grief. I shut everyone else out until I could deal with it internally. I've dealt on an internal level and it's easier to reach out now. I can say to newer people this is what worked for me, to share with other people,” she said. “I learned to say ‘my daughter died.' Those were the words that really started me on healing, the one big thing I learned through the process.”Katelyn's death took a toll on her marriage as well. She and her husband, Ken Konst, didn't communicate well as they grieved. After five years, they divorced. They started talking again about nine months ago. In March, Ken came back to Lima from Albuquerque, and they are working on a reconciliation. “A lot of that was my having worked through a lot of my issues I had with my grief, but also when he was in Albuquerque he started to attend Compassionate Friends meetings and that helped him on his road with the grief, too,” Osborn said. Katelyn was a blue-eyed, curly-headed blonde who always had a smile, according to Osborn. She was nonverbal — a symptom of the Rett — but “she said a lot with her eyes.”Osborn will commemorate her daughter's life this summer by participating in a walk hosted by the chapter. Called “A Walk to Remember,” it will be 9:30 a.m. July 21 at Ottawa Metro Park in Lima. There will be a balloon launch, butterfly release and a picnic after the walk. “(Katelyn) liked to go shopping and was a flirt. She picked the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms cereal and was a couch hog,“ Osborn said. “If we were watching television and it was something she didn't like, she'd get over to the TV and start pushing buttons.”Registration for the walk is $15 and participants are also encouraged to seek pledges, Long said. Donations help the chapter provide information and support to members through newsletters, brochures and books. For more information, call Long at 419-234-6997 or Mason at 419-649-7496. It's a new life journey you go on,” Long said. “We miss our children and we want to talk about them and remember them, and want other people to remember them.”