Home (and alone) for Christmas

LIMA ? Elvis Presley once sang about a ?blue Christmas,? but for some the phrase is more than just a passing song lyric.

For those people who live far from loved ones or have no one with which to celebrate, the holidays can feel far from jolly. Local mental health experts agree that while the season does not cause depression, it can certainly accentuate sadness or loneliness.

?This is the time of the year when people start thinking about the past,? said Alfred Cohoe, professor of psychology at Ohio Northern University. ?The good ol? days are always the good ol? days, and we tend to only remember the good aspects. Memory is very selective, and there is a very strong tendency for people to only remember those things that are enjoyable and pleasant. That makes your current situation appear worse than it is.?

According to Rosalie Stluka, a clinical social worker at Personal Growth Counseling in Lima, the impression that holidays are a family togetherness time can compound negative feelings that a person already has.

?The holiday season itself isn?t presenting a problem,? she said. ?Very often, it is an additional problem in the context of other issues going on. It is a hard time of the year if you?re having marital problems, going through a divorce or experiencing other problems that causing emotional upset.?

At the same time, Stluka and others agree there are ways to get around feeling down during the holidays (or at least, ways to get through it).

First and foremost, the holidays are what you make of them. According to Heather Koontz, director of emergency services for Lutheran Social Services and the We Care Crisis Center in Lima, the biggest step is to change the way you view your situation.

?It?s in the perception of your environment,? she said. ?If you?re having negative thoughts about what?s going on around you, you feel negatively, and you feel that things are not going to get better. You are either the victim or the creator of your environment. If you can find something to do and have a sense of belonging, it?s very, very helpful.?

To that end, Stluka said to be proactive. Sitting and letting the holidays happen around you will not help, but finding ways to engage yourself will.

?Ask yourself, ?What do I want to do on Christmas or during the Christmas vacation??? she said. ??What are some things that I want to do to help myself feel better about being alone? What can I do that will be good for me and make me happy???

Research supports the idea that happiness comes from relationships you have with other people, Cohoe said. If you don?t have family or friends with whom you can celebrate the holidays, try making new friends by getting involved. Activities like church or community groups will provide avenues for meeting new people, Cohoe said, and building up a social network.

?There are all kinds of ways to participate in the Lima area,? he said. ?There are lots of groups and organizations who welcome new people to become associated with them.?

Giving of your time to support those who are less fortunate can also help you feel better about yourself. Try visiting someone in a nursing home or hospital, or ?adopt? a family that?s in need of help over the holidays.

?It is a season of giving, and I think we can get a lot of satisfaction out of giving,? she said. ?There are lots of ways to give. Giving of oneself and of one?s financial resources can be fulfilling and make (the holidays) meaningful.?

In the midst of any plans, both Stluka and Koontz said to remember giving to yourself, as well. Treat yourself to activities and foods that bring you joy. Take yourself to a movie or go shopping. Keeping busy with pleasurable activities can distract you from feeling sad and add happiness to your life.

Planning goals for the coming New Year is also just as important, Koontz said.

?Have one thing you?d like to accomplish for the next year,? she said. ?You?ll have some of that forward thinking instead of being caught in that moment of being depressed.?

Finally, if you have family or friends with whom you are distant or disconnected, Cohoe said Christmas is the perfect time of year to re-establish a relationship.

?Try re-connecting with someone,? he said. ?Call them up and wish them a Merry Christmas. Tell them, ?I?ve been thinking about you.? It?s a good time to re-establish connections. At this time of the year, it?s reasonable, even expected sometimes, so use that.?