One latte and a wild ride past the mall on Black Friday

On Friday, it occurred to me that there are three types of people in this country on the day after Thanksgiving.

There are the crazy morning shoppers, the folks who stay home and the people like me who don't want to be out but have no choice in the matter.

While The Lima News was closed on Friday, a few people still had to work. Otherwise, you wouldn't get a paper. So, around 9 a.m., I set out to drive the two miles from my home to my place of employment.

On Latham Avenue, everything appeared normal. It's a nice, quiet neighborhood.

At Latham and Cable, I could see there was a healthy amount of traffic, and the parking lot at the sporting goods store was full. Some people were definitely in a holiday shopping mood. I turned north on Cable and continued up to American Avenue.

That's when I had my first "crazy shopper" experience.

Traffic was backed up in the left-turn lane, and, when it's backed up, you can't really tell whether the back part of the line is waiting to turn onto American Avenue or hoping to get close to turning onto Elida Road.

While I waited for the car in front of me to either move up or make a left onto American Avenue, the crazy shopper in back of me decided he didn't have to wait for anybody. Just as the car in front of me turned onto American Avenue - and I began to turn onto American Avenue - the crazy shopper in the black SUV (you know who you are) swung onto American Avenue, cutting me off.

We came close to an accident, and that got my attention.

Suddenly, it was every woman for herself. I gripped the steering wheel tighter and sat up a little straighter. Not every driver appeared to be on his or her best behavior. This was serious. Could I manage another mile of crazy shopper/drivers? We'd see.

I drove along American Avenue, eyes darting left and right, until I neared McDonald's. A latte sounded like just the thing. I swung into the lot and saw immediately that many shoppers had worked up quite an appetite by 9 a.m. Both drive-thru lanes were backed up, and the diagonal parking places on both sides of the building were full.

But it's McDonald's, so the lines moved along pretty well.

Still, it was crowded. While I waited in the drive-thru lane, with its flow of traffic distinctly northbound, a crazy shopper in yellow truck (you know who you are) pulled off Elida Road and drove south through Mickey D's northbound customers. Eeks. You'd think he would have noticed.

As I watched the yellow truck make his way through the traffic, a young man exited his vehicle (color and make unknown), which was parked diagonally. In my rear-view mirror, I could see him dodging the northbound cars, crossing the parking lot and walking up to the drive-thru window. Double eeks. Did he need coffee that badly?

Apparently, there were a few sensible drivers around because they did not run him over as he made his way to the window on foot. Merry Christmas.

About this time, I was thinking, "Give me my latte and get me out of here!"

I snuck around the building, slowly, and negotiated the bit of space between the backed-up-almost-to-Elida-Road drive-thru lane and the diagonally parked cars in the west lot. Eventually, I got back onto American Avenue and made my way - uneventfully - to The Lima News.

That parking lot was peaceful and empty, and I was happy to be out of the traffic.

As I made my way into the building, I had a couple of thoughts:

It would be good if we all made it through the holiday season alive. That calls for some common sense and patience. Don't be a crazy driver or a crazy shopper. Remember the spirit of Christmas. Be kind to your neighbors. Don't fight with them over the last bike in the store. And don't turn in front of them when a 10-second wait would resolve the matter.

Ordering online? Not a bad idea.

Gift cards? Another thing to consider.

Shopping at midnight or some other "off" hour? I've been known to do that.

And one final thought: I don't know how much money other merchants made, but a Mickey D's across from the mall on Black Friday was a surefire winner.

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